Like so many other people in the world, I would label myself as a control-freak, or at least I used to be. Now, the scary part of this word is not ‘control’. It is obviously ‘freak’. It means to me that I am trying to be in control too much. Way too much, freakishly so.
So that is that about me having a control issue. The real question is of course, how can we tackle such an issue if we have identified ourselves as having one? And how do we break loose from it?
The origin of control
The opposite of control is out of control, or chaos. For most people the situation where things are out of control is an undesirable one. Being out of control is a feeling of being dependent on other people for achieving the results you want to achieve. You can probably think of a situation where this was the case for yourself.
When you go back to that situation in your mind, you will discover that you not being in control results in fear. Fear of not achieving your goal. It is this experience of fear which leads us to want to be in control in future situations.
Acceptance
If everything is out of control, trying to get back into control is hard. Usually we call in the cavalry; we get the ‘extra’ in. Extra money, extra time, extra anything. Just to get a feeling of control again. Sometimes this works, but the problem is that it does not provide ease of mind nor is particularly effective in the long run.
The only true way of dealing with a situation that is out of control is to accept it. My coach always reminds me that ‘it is what it is’. What he means by this is that in any situation we take our entire emotional baggage with us to form an image, our own unique way to look at a situation. But the situation is just … what it is.
The beauty of accepting that we are not in control, truly accepting, is that it instantly puts us in complete control. If you do not need to be in control, you are in control.
Tue, Oct 27, 2009
Self Improvement