Every day we are encountered by reasons. People give a reason for something in order to justify what they are doing. This is very normal behaviour, we all do this. But the reason we give is not the same as our true reason.
External Reason
The reason we give other people is what is called the external reason. If you tell someone that the reason that you don’t want to go to see a movie because you are not feeling well, that is your external reason.
The external reason is what we want others to believe is the reason for our behaviour.
Internal Reason
When we give an external reason, there is also an internal reason for our behaviour. For example, I might not want to go see a movie because I know my friend likes to see action movies and I hate them. Or something along those lines.
This internal reason is our true reason for behaving the way we do.
You know the Internal Reason
People almost always know the internal reason. And they react to it. My friend could react with: “Nonsense, you just don’t like action movies and don’t want to go see Rambo 813″.
Most probably you can recall a situation yourself where you have experienced this. Maybe you reacted in the same way I described, which would be logical. Most people react like this if they suspect there is an internal reason involved.
React to the External Reason
Whether you know the internal reason or not, it is best to react only to the external reason. The result is that the other person won’t feel offended. When you react to the internal reason people tend to go into defensive mode. They hide this internal reason for a reason. That reason is they feel ashamed or embarrassed to admit to their internal reason.
So when you want to make sure that other people like you, or find you a nice person to be around, make sure you react to their external reasons. Knowing their internal reasons isn’t bad, it is good, but don’t react to it.
Thu, Feb 11, 2010
Self Improvement