Sometimes I wish I could pause a situation. Then I would take a step back and rewind the tape, and play it again, watching myself in this scene. Why? Because it would give me more insight into other peoples reactions to my actions and the other way around. Well hold on to your seats because there is a technique that allows you to do exactly this, and more!
What’s more, this technique has been around for ages, dating as far back as the Roman Empire! You just haven’t been in the loop of the select few people who know and practice these secret techniques.
I used to be very skeptical about these sort of things. How can you transcend yourself and look at a situation from the outside looking in, instead of the inside looking out; how can you see yourself in the third person!? I can honestly tell you that once you have experienced these techniques, you will be a complete believer.
In a recent session I was at we also had someone who didn’t believe it and thought it too spiritual, but only a couple of hours later he was completely in awe about what he had experienced. And this happens all the time with people who experience the power of this secret technique!
The system
The system can be used in many ways, but each method distinguishes three roles. The roles are: client, supervisor and stand-ins. In the old days the Romans would using acting as a way to use this system. And it is still in my experience, the most powerful method. Other methods may include the use of figurines as stand-ins for example.
The client
This is the person who wants to transcend himself in a certain situation. He wants to know what others are feeling in that situation, and how they will react when certain things are said or done.
The supervisor
The person who is supervising the situation and helping the client. The supervisor asks questions and in doing so, guides the process.
The stand-ins
Most important of all are the stand-ins. These can be represented by figurines, but it is far more powerful to represent them with humans.
The last thing that is needed is an area to simulate in. This can be any area, your living room or bedroom will work just fine. If working with figurines, any table is fine. You can make room before you start but never during the process. So make some room if you feel you need it.
The process
It all starts with the client actively imagining a situation. He visualizes the situation that he has a problem with. The people or groups of people (e.g. ‘the employees’ or ‘the management’) that are involved and the emotion that he was in. When he has had a moment to visualize this, the supervisor will ask him to explain a little about the situation to the stand-ins. The client names the people or groups involved and explains very briefly what their roles are in the problem.
TIP: Keep both feet flat on the ground and allow yourself to breath in deeply when you prepare. This will enable you to be more in contact with your emotions, which will greatly help in the next bit.
Then the supervisor asks the client to choose a stand-in for himself and position the stand-in in the area. The client chooses a stand-in and goes stand behind the stand-in, placing both his hands on the shoulders of the stand-in. He then guides (not pushes) the stand-in to the position in the area that he feels is the right place for the stand-in. When guiding the stand-in, use your gut-feeling to determine if it is the right position. Repeat this step with each of persons or groups.
If applicable, it can help if the supervisor asks the client to place a stand-in in the area to represent his (or someone else’s) good intention. This can be very enlightening, especially in situations where there are only 2 persons or groups involved in the system.
TIP: When you are chosen as a stand-in, allow yourself to clear your mind, shake loose a little bit and breathe in deeply. This allows you to pick up on the energy of the client (I know, this sounds very spiritual, but just trust me on this. I hope I have got enough credit for you to bare with me here…)
When all the stand-ins are in position, the client sits or stands beside the supervisor again. He looks closely at the situation. After the client is completely happy with the situation, the supervisor asks the stand-ins what they feel. This is where the secret magic happens!
As a stand-in you will notice that you feel emotions or feelings that are not yours. To give you a few examples I will list a few of the unexplainable feelings I have had in such sessions as a stand-in:
- Not being able to look another stand-in in the eyes
- Feeling an urge to only look to my left side, completely ignoring what is on my right
- Wanting to move
- Not wanting to move
- Feeling of internal conflict: my left leg was completely static and didn’t want to move; my right leg was weak in the knee, wanting to move very much
The most powerful experience I have heard of was of someone being a stand-in for a client’s father, who said ‘the right side of his face felt like he had been at the dentist; numb’. And the client responded ‘My dad had a seizure after which his right side was paralyzed’. I have never had such extreme experiences myself, but it can happen.
WARNING: Do not go into rational interpretations of the feelings too much as a stand-in. These are not your feelings, you cannot explain them. The client needs to do the explaining. All the energy, the feelings, come from the client. Not from you as a stand-in. Just tell the client how or what you feel.
The supervisor usually asks the client ’is this familiar to you’ when asking about a stand-in’s feelings. This small question is to make sure that the process is conform the situation the client has visualized.
After this initial setup the supervisor can change the situation by asking questions. Never by actively forcing something. For example, if a stand-in says ‘I want to move over there’, the supervisor can ask the stand-in to do that. After this movement the supervisor can ask the other stand-ins what this change does to them. Questions such as:
- Do you feel differently?
- Does this make you feel better?
- Or worse?
These steps can be repeated until you are satisfied. Don’t overdo this though, always remember that this technique is only meant to give the client a new perspective on the situation and perhaps an idea how to solve it. Never will this be a concrete idea (e.g. ’send a letter to the mayor of your town’) but rather it will be more subtle (e.g. ‘I feel like being more open towards this person would help’).
Afterwards the client should name everyone by their real name (instead of the name of the person who they are standing in for). This helps the stand-ins to loose the energy that they have felt during the session.
Summary
I have learned this technique from my personal coach, who is an expert in the field. One thing I would recommend is to not make more out of it then it is. Another is to not joke during a session. Emotions are very strong energies and you should take a session seriously enough to not joke during one. Find the right balance, if you are serious about this, this won’t be a problem for you.
A short overview of the steps:
- Visualize the problem
- List the people or groups of people involved
- Place the stand-ins in the area
- Ask stand-ins how they feel
- Change the situation
- Repeat 4 and 5 until satisfied
- Return to your normal self (helped by the client)
January 18th, 2010 at 9:38 am
have I got this?
A/ The client has a scenario that present a conflict between extreme emotions: eg another person has offended them speaking biggoted remarks.
B/ The stand in acts as a proxy for the client who is directed into the space and the client stands behind.
C/ The second stand in, is playing the role of biggot.
B/ and C/ act out the scenario playing out the conflict defending either case so the client is one step removed from that situation and can see the extremes from a distance.
I have not tried this but am involved in youth theatre so I may find this useful in exploring extremes in opinion and conflict situations in which players are directly opposed ignighting extreme emotions.
The supervisors role is one of mediator in which the action is refleced upon without bias.
Could this be done when one is confronted with extreme differences of opinion where values clash, could one find a way to be one step removed watching over the scene as an observer. Today I had such a conflict with a friend as we could not aggree on a subject having different values. As we decided to disagree and leave the heated emotions to cool we talked about how as one may have an overview of ones emotions and see the players struggling with their conflict, stepping back from the extreme emotion was perhaps what we did but not consciously because I had a point in which I was walking out the door with an unresolved conflict to carry. In therauetic frames I understand that the client will run through a scenario with a therapist who acts in the role of the agitator and the client is encouraed to observe the extreme emotions in a ’safe’ setting.
I appreciate how i struggle when I experience the emotions of not being acnkowledged and begin to fight to be heard, this conflict can escalate with me wanting to flee. I see that but then realise that i am not getting anywhere are back down or resolve to admit our differences, I can surrender to the fact that others have another view from my own and also we may not share the same values. Trick is I think is to be able to console oneself by accepting and surrendering to an impass. Thankyou for this practical advice from the Roman’s because players upon the stage of life we are and so in mastering extreme emotions may we remain in the centre of balance.
Regards Janet Tooby
January 18th, 2010 at 10:21 am
Hi Janet,
First of all thanks for your comment. And to add to that, it looks like you are correct. There are a few things to be cautious about though:
A) Yes this can be used for situations of extreme emotions, but I would be careful. Extreme emotions often stem from early life experiences and when touching on such issues it would be best to have experienced guidance handle it.
B) Yes, but the client doesn’t need to stand behind. The client should be on the sideline, looking at the situation from an outside perspective. The client only stands behind the proxy when positioning the proxy in the space.
C) The second (and consecutive other) standin plays the role of the biggot in your terms. You may need additional stand ins for other people or groups in the situation. You also use proxies if you want to place someone’s ‘good intention’ in the space.
When you have 2 people who have a disagreement you can use this technique foremostly to get them to respect each others views. If you want to tackle the deeper problem of where such emotions come from, I would suggest consulting a therapist first. Because this technique can stir up some profound emotions.
As far as ‘acting out’ goes, it is always the supervisor who is asking all the questions and guiding the process. This is a very important aspect; do not let everyone just act out what they feel like. Also, try to put questions in terms of feelings: ‘how does this situation make you feel’ or ‘what does the change in position of person A do to you?’.
My advice would be to start with something small and simple, with a couple of friends. Just to experience the technique and get used to it.